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With orange hair, a voice made for balladry, and an affinity for profanity, Begonia, a.okay.a. Alexa Dirks, is frank in regards to the occasions we dwell in. At 35, she is definitely millennial, however after I spoke to her one morning this February, I used to be satisfied she was a Gen Z-er: she’s sincere, anxiety-ridden however engaged on it, and exuberant. She, too, went to remedy throughout quarantine, and, in keeping with her songs, did one thing behind a automotive. She reads the writing on the wall, permitting happenstance to take which means, like the celebs or a random web page from a e book. Individuals of various generations generally really feel as if they dwell in a unique period, however I really feel positive that Begonia and I’ve shared a world.
In her new album Powder Blue, her pop-R&B-gospel affinities shine, in addition to some experimentation (suppose artpop autotune). The stereotype of pop-adjacent genres, that they are usually narrowly centered on emotion disembodied from contemporaneity, would possibly linger in about half the songs, however the upside is that they supply an entirely listenable catchiness. Alexa herself is unambiguous, and it reveals in a few of her lyrics: “Was it contextual, or am I bisexual?” If I needed to guess, I’d classify her as an Aries.
Nostalgia and issues of the guts are emotional classes she ruminates over at size in Powder Blue and in actual life. However she additionally makes jokes about Amazon Alexa and turning off her Google Alerts. In our dialog, she tells me in regards to the album, herself, anxiousness, faith, love, and extra.
These conversations have been edited for readability.
What sort of music did you develop up with?
I used to be rising up with Spice Women, Future’s Little one. I used to be additionally rising up with essentially the most misogynistic fucking films, like American Pie, the place girls are there to shake their booties round. Like Women Gone Wild, that MTV period. That period of aggro white dudes on the forefront of popular culture.
I additionally grew up listening to a lot Christian music. Amy Grant was my woman. Then I veered into the pop music sphere and my idol was Fiona Apple (angsty).
What impressed this album?
I grew up actually spiritual, like fairly evangelical of my very own volition. I simply went that manner, and had a powerful worry of the Lord in me, and that impacted me in an enormous manner. Then, after I began touring, after I was 19 or 20, my mind fully modified. I simply modified my thoughts on the world. I’ve been in a continuing state of movement since then, so my mind was altering, however I wasn’t essentially sitting right down to course of it appropriately. So it was loads of processing issues that I’d not have thought of had the pandemic not hit.
What takeaways out of your first album did you deliver or not deliver into this one?
The primary one, I used to be an entire freak on a leash and was so anxious about every thing, each determination. Like, am I sending the suitable e mail on the proper time of day to make the proper affect? I used to be dropping sleep over spelling errors. My consideration to element was not serving me, and I had no reference level as a result of I’d by no means finished it earlier than. And with this one, I had a reference level for a few of that stuff. So I’m nonetheless a freak, there’s nonetheless a hamster carnival in my mind from the second I wake up-to-the-minute I am going to mattress, however I’m extra acquainted with the hamsters now.
And I’m a singer, a musician, an artist, and it defines me in so some ways. It’s actually exhausting to separate my life from my profession, like, that is every thing. It could possibly actually fuck you up. I used to be simply, each day, wanting within the mirror being like, it’s not going to fuck you up this time, you let it do this final time, and I didn’t take pleasure in myself, I burnt out so shortly. I’m prioritizing relaxation in a brand new manner. I need to expertise pleasure, I need to be current. I don’t need to be taking a look at good issues and discovering the holes, as a result of that’s what I used to do.
The album feels centered across the expertise of being a girl. Do you need to say extra, if that was an intent?
I’ve at all times recognized, particularly after I was extra within the Evangelical world, that there was loads of methods of being fascinating as a girl, of your lot in life as a girl, the trajectory of what I believed my life can be as a girl. Which was getting married at 21 and having infants and taking good care of the house. And all that cliché stuff, for me, simply saved not occurring because the years glided by. So like, then what? Who am I then, what am I as a girl? I broke freed from these beliefs, and it’s not a giant deal, however I feel they’re nonetheless working by means of in my thoughts and dealing by means of my sexuality. I do know I’m not straight, however I’m not conclusive about that both. My pronouns are she/her, I’d introduce myself as a girl, however I’m not sitting right here considering I’m the embodiment of what it means to be female. But in addition, what the fuck does that even imply?
The place does the identify Begonia come from?
My accomplice on the time was studying this old-school plant e book, and there was a plant with a wonderful portrait photograph in it known as the Rex begonia, and all my good associates at house name me Rex. It was like one thing was calling me to this plant. Discovering a venture identify can generally really feel actually not possible. As soon as you discover one thing that feels good, you simply decide to it and also you don’t suppose twice about it, you don’t look again.
Some songs within the album had very tapered beginnings, like “Chasing Each Dawn” and “Bleeding Coronary heart.” Are you able to inform me about that selection?
For “Chasing Each Dawn,” the acapella starting was not the unique intent. The music was written, and I used to be, like, ugh, that simply doesn’t really feel proper, the opening. And I used to be strolling outdoors, at night time in silence, actually what the lyrics say. I used to be like, I need to do that once more. I needed a delicate, ushering into the album, and it simply felt acceptable. For one thing like “Bleeding Coronary heart,” it was the identical factor, the place the music simply reduce proper in, and we had been like, we simply need a little bit of softness, a little bit of ethereal high quality to the start earlier than it simply slams proper into the groove. It felt like that was what the music needed.
What’s your greatest aim proper now as an artist?
For me, that is my life. I’m going to do that for the remainder of my life, God keen or whoever keen. I need to maintain creating, to maintain having significant experiences. I need to have the ability to present as much as any metropolis and know that persons are going to be at a present. However I’m going to be making artwork it doesn’t matter what. There isn’t one factor, like oh, I need to play Madison Sq. Backyard. I imply that may be fucking cool. However I simply need to do that so long as I can with my associates and maintain sight of who I’m and what’s essential to me, and continue to grow. Continuous development— that’s what I need.
Story / JoAnn Zhang
Pictures / Calvin Lee Joseph
Make-up / Rachel Lynne Jones
Hair / Kitty Bernes
Set / Seth Woodyard
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